Anger Unmasked - Am I Really Angry?
Do you ever feel angry but know deep down that is not what you are actually feeling? Or sometimes, you genuinely believe you are angry until you do the work, dig deeper, and discover the true underlying emotion. Sometimes, it’s not anger at all but a different emotion hiding underneath that anger. Other difficult emotions, such as hurt, shame, or sadness, are masked as anger because it is the first emotion that we notice and can easily display. Admitting that we are actually feeling fear, loneliness, guilt, embarrassment, or other tough emotions requires a level of honesty with ourselves that we may not be ready to face. Speaking of these emotions out loud can make them real and put you in a vulnerable and uncomfortable place. However, that’s the place that you need to be in order to start doing the work. Use that discomfort as a motivator to reflect on what typically triggers your anger, determine what you were really feeling, work on addressing those hard emotions, and get back to a place of peace. The anger is just the tip of the iceberg and what is showing on the surface. Try these 3 steps to help identity what is under your anger:
Take a break when you feel yourself getting angry. Take deep slow breaths, in through your nose and out through your mouth, until you feel your body calming. This only works if you focus on your breathing by concentrating on your feeling the breath going through your nose, your belly expanding, and picture your exhaling all that anger out.
Identify your trigger: Pay attention to what happened right before you got angry. Was it a person, place, thing, thought, smell, uncomfortable feeling, or etc.
Reason for trigger: Once identifying the trigger, ask yourself why did that trigger your anger? Did something someone say make you feel embarrassed , guilty, or shame? Did something make you feel lonely, scared, or anxious? Maybe the environment is too loud or you have high demands to meet and you were actually overstimulated or overwhelmed.
This process can help begin the process of identifying underlying emotions and guide you toward where to truly begin to address your “anger” by addressing the true emotion that is negatively impacting your mental health .
Let’s ask ourselves, what’s really under my anger?
